Much like getting a mustache tattoed on the inside of your pointer finger, timeless wit is in style. Of course, by timeless wit, I mean permanently inking a gag into your skin. What’s that? You want yet another way to tell everyone you’re smart, quirky, and most likely ride a fixed-gear bicycle via fashion?
The Lone THREE Wolf Moon T-Shirt!
Just think back to grade school… you may have owned one. Funny how with age, though, the creepiness of the wearer increases dramatically.
Notice that in high school you become considerably more creepier wearing your wolf (or any animal drawn in the same fashion) shirt. You rise to serial killer/shoot-up the office guy status at 25 still wearing one of these. Notice, though, at 35 you become just a treehugger and no one gives a shit anymore. You’ll probably wear these for the rest of your life at this point. Case closed.
Don’t leave the final word up to me, though. Let’s hear some reviews from THREE Wolf Shit buyers:
7,863 of 7,929 people found the following review helpful:
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him.
Dual-function indeed, B. Govs.
915 of 949 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Why can’t Amazon have more stars? 5 ain’t enough!, May 6, 2009
So I’m looking for threads that say, “Hey baby…I’m real boss!” when I stumble upon this epic creation. The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together. I mean, one wolf howlin at the moon is major…but three???
I ordered next-day air (if only there was same day!), and, of course, a size smaller than usual to ensure the closeness of the wolves to my chest hair. When the package arrived, I tore it open, and I SWEAR angels sang. I think it was Freebird. I immediately removed my “No Fat Chicks” shirt, and replaced it with this finery. Lemme tell you: AW YEAH.
I’ll spare the details of my conquests since I started wearing this shrit; suffice to say, I’m swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-Tel infomercials. I’m also more confident at work, and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt (I should say “shirts”, since I now own 23 of them).
More:
This shirt is 100% 100% awesome, but side effects only 57.9% awesome, May 27, 2009
This shirt is 100% 100% awesome. When wearing it I can run faster, chug more beer and be 100% 100% awesome.
However, I wore it once during the full moon on an Indian burial ground. Now I have three Indian spectral wolves following me around. I thought it was sweet at first, but it is hard to watch NASCAR with the wolves howling all the time.
shirt – 100% 100% awesome!!
spectral Indian wolves only 57.9% 57.9% awesome
Feel free to read all 749 reviews here.
